ARC received for an honest review
OMG - this book! Word of advice - do not try to ninja read at work, as you will get weird looks from your colleagues as to why you are snort-laughing!!
Dove is just your average girl, dead end job, undecided what career path to take her studies down. And boy oh boy is she always in the wrong place at the wrong time, he words get twisted by others to make her out to be what she isn't.
Johnson always seems to say the wrong thing at the wrong time when he is around Dove.
But you just want them, no need them to get together.
Fire Down Below is funny, crass, rude and crude. And I loved every second of it. I mean really, who isn't going to love it after reading the warning label?
Dove seems to fall from on embarrassing situation right into the next. Often helped into said situations by her friends, and her nearly always naked, exceptionally weird but lovable neighbour.
Oh, and we can't forget the porn star wannabe, pet pilfering Debra and Mr Anastasia!
As awkward as they were, you can't help but think Dove and Johnson are going to be great for each other. I was their biggest cheerleader, hoping that they could get their act together! We have all felt like Dove at sometime.
I can’t believe I died of shame and went to heaven. Today is the best day of my life.
So, can Dove and Johnson make a go of a relationship, or is there just too much embarrassment between them to forget?
Uh uh, for that you are going to have to read for yourself.
This really is a fun book. Juvenile and crass humour? Sure is. How many fart jokes can you get into one story? With Fire Down Below there is an abundance of farts, sharts, crapping, penises - the list goes on. And really, no matter how old you are, farts are still funny!
Thank you Ms Anastasia for this book.
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Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked,
in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse. Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter.
There are a lot of eyes
in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers
are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two
more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The
poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he
likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat
watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that
internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.
Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...
Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...
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